Monday, June 20, 2016

I have got mine now

Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah 

After 5 years of tears, sweat and smiles I made it to the graduation day 
A dentist to be specific *smile* 

There’s no one else on this earth I would like to dedicate my success to, 
If it wasnt because of your countless dua’s umi & abah 
I wouldn’t make it to this pinnacle of success. 

Thank you so much. So so much

To think that I’ll be home again, lazing around in the house.. Its strange. It has been yearsss! To see you everyday.. 
I’ll take my own sweet time for sure
Answering and listenin to your ceramah about marriage more often now..
I'm listenin, I'm good
I'm okay with it now
As long as you’re happy
I’ve got mine
Just a few weeks ago
The day you hugged me during my graduation ceremony saying how proud you are seeing me walking on that stage clad in a graduation robe and a hat
And since that day, I promised to be a good daughter the best I can


Even I know
Im nowhere near to repay them

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Farewell Post I guess?

Disclaimer: this is probably the longest post I ever wrote!

Assalamualaikum everyone! And Ramadhan Kareem :)

I have been having this idea of writing a farewell post since forever, but I just cant find the right words to convey all my feelings. I have been emtionally preparing myself for this departure.

To: everyone who has been there along this bittersweet journey. 

Yep, this is just one part of the bigger world I will enter later in my life. Housemanship, working, pursuing master, marriage, Phd and the list goes on and on.. But I guess, being appreciative and extra emotional sometimes doesnt cause any harm.. right?

5 years is such a longgg time. And I chose to invest my 5 years of life to the first step of being a dentist. And to be honest this is not the biggest concern I had 5 years ago.. 

Jordan was

I wanted to accept the offer but endless questions of will I be able to survive there.. will the Jordanian accepts me.. the languange barrier.. were left playing in my head over and over again.

After tons of ice cream and chocolates, I finally said yes! to Jordan and abandoned the offer I got from Universiti Malaya..

Jordan.. hmm what can I say about this?

My first impression, you dont wanna get into that. Trust me.. huh

5 years walking everyday to classes and clinic, I thought I lost some weight but..

surprise.. surprise!! the food are too good. Who created mansaf??!! you should keep that secret recipe to yourself. Like seriously ammu.. come on ammu.. show some support for this gurl plis.. *laugh*

okay lets get real..

"When you open your heart to accept, then only you can see the beauty laid inside"

By time.. this whole first impressions I had, changed little by little. It was a spontaneous picture I had that shows only the superficial surface of Jordan and its people. and to to judge them immediately, I dont think its fair. 

Undeniably, to adapt with new surroundings, the struggle was REAL. It was hard. There were so much things that I couldnt understand. Asking why.. why.. why when the secret of acceptance is being understanding. And..lil bit of time

Leaving Jordan was always the easiest things to do. Instead, its a moment I waited for every year. Be it leaving for Malaysia or Europe trip. But you can never lie to yourself *sound cliche but its true!* At the end of the day, deep inside this little chamber of my heart I always miss home. My home in Irbid. Even when I’m in Malaysia, it feels like.. Malaysia is just one of a country I choose to spend my holiday in. 3/4 of my life is here.. in Jordan.

NG 76.. Markaz Sihhi.. Dental Teaching Clinic.. Cubicle No. 10, 29 and 27 *I hope I got the numbering right* 

To all doctors.. Stay cool and superb. Especially to all doctors I had during clinical years. You guys have seen my sillyness at its best. *slap on the forehead. twice* but still patiently being a teacher, an awesomee teacher. I will surely miss all of you. 

I always had this imaginations that you guys are laughing at us at home while drinking coffee thinking of our silly acts

Is that true? huh

Anyway, I really do think doctors shud have a graduation book too. I need to write wishes and things that make me remember them too.. I mean.. urm... sentimental students like me need to say something before we left.. isnt it? 

Dr. Laila - the one and only female cons dr I had during clinical years. Very simple and easy going dr ever :) We hope you like the scarves dr

Dr. Ahmad Qodomi - Phew.. to break the shell. we call you the brit accent dr. Bringing all the I-have-never-heard-of-but-brilliant-procedures-and-techniques in the clinic with the 5000 pounds loupes that I always wanted to try *grin*  Take a good care of yourself and dont get yourself injured playing football.. 

Dr. Abu Baker Qutieshat - I will always remember your “Good stuff huh” all the time.. ohh ohh and your “new toys huh” you came back a lil bit late from scotland dr.. hope that we can learn more from you :)

Dr. Malik - I will never be that smooth in recognizing instruments if it wasnt you are my perio dr.. explaining it thounsanth times in the clinic.. 

Dr.Rawan - If koreans have couple shirt, we have couple Quran. Me, shazreen and you. from our patient. thats so cool right..? I mean who on earth has couple quran like us :)

Dr. Hisham Shorman - Your efforts in reducing numbers of smokers in Jordan has my full support dr. I always adore you.. yeah!

Dr. Abeer - The moment you entered the clinic, I didnt know angel lives on earth too... and I’m not the only one saying that. The whole malaysian did.. stay pretty and.. pretty.. ^-^’

Dr. Ghazala - Dr. Hameed and you are #dentist’s relationship goal *cough* 

Dr. Suha - you supervised me only once during my very last peds clinic but strong enough to rock my peds clinc for 5 years with your words of compliments.. 

Dr. Rashdan - My fav of all universe. *even now I’m laughing when I think of your jokes a.k.a sarcasm* the last time I saw you was during our OM viva session and you acknowledge me as your student and how proud you are having me as your student. You know right, you cant take it back.. I’ll hold onto this until I get my master offer for recommendation letter.. *wind blows* I suddenly feel the urge to write a special post for you, for future reference. proof are important nowadays.. *laugh with courtesy* kamsa hamidaa dr. for everything!

Dr. Jumana - You have no idea how happy I was when you said, you were replacing Dr.Rashdan in OM seminar huh. I mean one time in a week seeing dr. Rashdan in OD clinic is more than enough for this girl.. stay cute dr.. ;)

Dr. Esam - Of all doctors, *I dont know what happened to me every Monday* you witnessed my silliness the most. Doing silly things and silly things and being silly. I guess Monday blues is not a myth.. I just lost my words in front of you.. unfortunately even in viva. *tears* But still, I wanna be like you. A dentist just like you.. Dedicated one. You have the words that could change a nation :) except for the car, maybe to a slightly latest model.. ^-^

Dr. Alaa’ & Dr. Fadhi & Dr. Mus’ab - the coolest young genius doctors that made surgery clinic enjoyable and relaxing. fuhh surgery, always the hardest clinic when you have no muscles. Then all of you came to rescue. *wipe sweat*

Dr. Sawsan & Dr. Amar Hajjaj - ortho has been my fav subject throughout clinical years because of you guys. To understand things that we cant see an predict future movement.. we can be a shaman if dentistry happen to extinct one day.. can we?

Dr. Taiseer - To see you waiting for me in the viva room was the biggest surprise I had received in my dental school life. yes, you have that huge impact in my small world dr. very.. and if you ever wonder why I always stare at you in the clinic. This is what was going on in my head “im gonna need that brain for me in my final exam and viva” It turned out to be: you were using it in my viva.. RIP viva surgery

Dr. Zaid Tamimi - *10 min passed by* The.. erm *half an our passed by* Undescribable. Cooooolest dr ever!

Dr. Amr Atmeh - I know you are least person to probably reading this, but you know dr you have special place in this 5 years journey. Even though you are not here at the end of it. To teach me in cons clinic from scratch to what I am now. Thank you so much.. I hope you are happy at new place. I miss you dr. *smile* 

I really need to write this one down, special wish for ustad cons that I will never forget. How you will always come to our cubicles every 2 minutes for the last 30 minutes before the clinic closes to whisper “ faster shaima’ faster.. finish it now.. you are late” *wipe real sweat* Not to be forgotten, dispensary and lab miss and ustad. You guys rock my clinical years. Every single day without fail. Like really really rocking.. to choose between you and the doctor.. *die a little inside* Syukran katheerr katheerr. Allah yu’tikal 3afiah. Hayakallah. Allahu yubariiku fikum

Leaving Jordan.. my heart break a little knowing I ain't coming back anytime soon, 
This heart is aching in great sorrow everytime i saw our pictures. tears well up in my eyes

"It takes only one day to find someone special, one minute to appreciate them, one day to love them and the entire life forgetting them"

To all doctors I didnt specifically mention here, all of you have special wishes from me in my dua’ everyday. Always and always. I can never be able to repay all good deeds I have received. Without our family with us, all of you have been the best parents, the best brother and the best sister we could ask for. May Allah reward all of you with the best rewards. Insha Allah.

To teach hundreds of students. All of you deserved 'congratulations' more than us. 

CONGRATULATIONS to all my awesome doctors with the biggest congratulations I had given to anyone for everything you guys have done (smallest to the biggest) for all of us for the past 5 years with enthuasiam and professionalism that never failed to mesmerize me all the time. Gazillion thank you doctors *wipe tears*
Please forgive me and my friends for any wrongdoings we might have done to you. Surely we dont mean it.

A good friend of mine used to tell me, when you love someone you have to show it to the. writing does counts right? *smile*

Song dedication to all doctors: Flashlight by Jessie J (listen to it after Ramadhan doctors) hee

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

This is my fight song

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm allright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I dont really care if nobody else believes
Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me..

In less than 4 months
It will be 5 years I am in dentistry school. Alhamdulillah.

I am such a big liar if I say, the idea of giving up never came into my mind
Assuring myself that I can do this.. I can do this..  I can do this.. countless times
That I am not sure if it will work anymore in the future

Motivating myself in the middle of the night
when I get bad dreams about tomorrow
That 'this shall pass too'

Looking back how far I have gone just to tell myself
I cant possibly give up

Coming into the clinic with a mindset
'I have gone thru this before'
So when im being yelled for the mistakes I am responsible on
I will not break down in front of the patients

For all the promises made
I prepared myself to not hold on to it until it happens
So when the promises were broken
I still have the strength to walk home

Forcing myself to think that
everythings that happens,
there's always a reasons why Allah wants it to happen
And then,
I can paint a smile on my face no matter how hard it is to accept

Squeezing 'work out' in my schedule
So when I need to repeat my works over and over again
I have the muscles to depend on

Reassuring myself not to cry
after every rejection I get
As a YES always come in pair with a NO

Planting courage as high as the mountain
so when I need it, I can go for it without hesitation

Refrain myself from letting my emotion to take control of me
So I can think logically
when problem arises

Making sure that I eat a lot in the morning
So when I have to spend the whole day in the clinic
I am strong

Physically & mentally Drained
Exhausted
Is just a temporary condition
And in one night, It will be a new me.

Yallah!








Friday, January 29, 2016

Auny B survival Tips!

Assalamualaikumm!!

When Afnan was born last October, I wrote something about giving updates and pictures of baby G (which is Afnan Zakiyya) soon.

Here I am forcing myself to fulfill my promise now before Afnan turns 17..

So, picture first!

Amoi turned 3 months old last January, 23th

Thanks to Amoi, Anty B learned that babies are the most incredible bosses. Ever!
Well that was before, anty become cleverer by time.. :P
 that your crocodile tears can never fool me anymore.. *pat on my shoulder*

Please dont send me to aunties rehab centre pls. 

I still remember in the young days of me being anty to Amoi, it was a whole new experience. 
She smile when I smile.
 Then she start giggling. 

life wasnt that easy gais

I was wrong when I thought what was in her mind was 'I am her new friend'. 

no friend treated her friend this way

Amoi pee on me
and
pee on me
and muntah on me

A lots

*wipe tears*

The first time I heard Amoi crying, tell me whos the fastest man on earth. I cant beat em
the second time, I was as fast as lightning ran to get her
third time I started brisk walking

and now, 
"Amoi crying again is it?.. *munching kerepek*

let her lungs do some exercise...


After some exercise done

*laugh*

Jokess Afnan.. Anty was just joking.. <3 comment-3--="">

You are apple of my eyes.. 
Bangun pagi cari Afnan, 
Breakfast cari Afnan, 
Lunch cari Afnan
Afnan balik rumah, anty scroll gambar Afnan..

Buah hati pengarang jantung pisang intan payung anty. did I miss any fruit to include???

Walaupun menangis suara terus Gear 88.. 
My alarm buzz the same way.. 

So Afnan, nothing much I want to say just..
Please be grateful.. *cough*

Sincerely,
Anty B

p/s: I will loyally wait for the time we can be 'real' friends