Tuesday, July 15, 2014

fuhh..fuhh..

Assalamualaikum, 

Erm, shall I introduced myself again? the 2nd writer of Ar-Rumaisa'. cough.

Well, when I think about it again, Shaima'!! it has been a really really long time since you posted something here babe. When was it? hmm, after SPM I think.
This whole thing of flashing back actually started just now. Not in my to-do-list okay. ngeh. I was studying animal behavior (i know this seem kinda weird. I'm not sure either why I'm here taking this subject) Well at least I'm pretty sure abah gonna be proud of me. I can accompany him managing the future farm he once wanted to have. And maybe teach Jinggo to socialise more friendly with other cats.  =_=

So out of the frustration learning about confusing animal behaviour I went a lil bit na na and Goggled my name.. And it wasnt me alone. Toba and Kak Tasneem once did the same thing too. I thought im the only one! I named this as curiosity syndrome. curious what Google would think me as even thou I never knew him. Its always been like this. Whenever I have exam in 2 days time, there's always something cool like this happening. Gargaga.

So, I found Ar-Rumaisa' listed fifth in the Google findings list. tears. 2010, this was my last time I had myself there. I read all the posts we wrote 5 years ago. i was in ktj and you were in Jordan. I couldnt believe this either...

I didnt know I was so cute back then.. hmm

Anyway, 5 years was more than enough to make me and you change. Not just physically and mentally but far beyond that. Your status changed. The way I'm going to write, its no longer be that way anymore. The paragraph you read earlier. Life offers maturity with time. The older we get the more we get to learn what and how to deal with life. To think, to act, to love, to live and to worship Allah s.w.t better that ever. Ar-Rumaisa' was actually one of my strength back at the old days when I was all alone in Malaysia without you guys. It was my choice.

Reading your posts and hardships in Jordan made me realised the reality about future. Life aint going to be easier. That's for sure. And I told myself  'Shaima', if you want to change yourself, now is the time. Changing myself to be stronger, independent and dependent was Herculean task. I gave myself a due date to fulfill all the requirement so I can say I am a changed person. But you know what, then I learn one thing about being better. I can never stop changing.

I still remember the first time I went into the surau at ktj to pray just because you said, the strength I wanted was buried inside the surau. I was so afraid that I did pray for the sliding door to be locked. At least there's reason why I didnt do it. You were right. The strength wasnt even buried inside the surau. Its just there.

My journey to define who am I finally started for real.

Now it feels like 5 years ago again. Writing a post and getting the post reply. Except the situation now had changed. Its me who are in Jordan and you are in Malaysia. No more boarding school.  

Last year we went back together. One year of training from you was undeniably a torture. Practical session begin when you left Urdun for good last February. Someone asked me why didnt I become like you. Very outstanding, get elected for high positions in student's community, all famous and well known. I didnt give any answers. Just smile. What else would I do? Its just not me. "I hate spotlights". laugh.

Today is your 25th day as a wife to akhi Ikmal. No worries, I know you are doing all fine along with Abg fit dekat sebelah. ngeh. I wonder how that feels - To juggle with the responsibilities I had now is already stifling my chest. And to add another.. I bet it requires even more prep and less being commitment panic. haha.

Last but not least, allow me to finish my animal behavoiur's slidaat..

p/s: I'm still trying my best to call him Abg Ikmal so it will not sound like im adressing a murobbi... :P
and im so like yayyy! you didnt change the password.  


  

2 comments:

  1. bicik, now the post replies can come from two sides (bestnya dah boleh munculkan diri dalam blog ni yay!) :p

    may allah help you on your journey and make you an even more awesome person and sister-in-law. one important thing i learned thru marriage, just go with the flow sebab allah akan bagi semua orang ikut kemampuan dia & dia xkan nayakan hamba2Nya :) (if you can already juggle those responsibilities without feeling stifled then maybe its time for me & ateh to find an akhi X for you heehee)

    - "akhi" Ikmal

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  2. To the-so-anonymous 'guess who' up here, thank you so much for the prayers. In sha Allah, may Allah s.w.t grants all of us the awesomeness in this deen.

    About akhi X, i'm thinking of giving him some single time longer. so please dont find him yet. laugh.
    and this is more important, bila nak bagitau 'good news' from both of you huh? Ziyaad cant be playing alone anymore longer.. he needs friend.. (i can read babies' mind)

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